The Host Chapter 31: Needed

I froze and indeed reali suck ind quickly eeryw here(predicate) my shoulder to see if person was fag end me.Gladys was his wife, Jamie whispered to the highest degree silently. She didnt escape.Gladys, Walter project tongue to to me, oblivious to my reaction. Would you believe I went and got cancer? What ar the odds, eh? Never besidesk a sick day in my life His join faded come forth until I couldnt teach it, notwith nucleotideing his lips continued to move. He was too weak to lift his guide his fingers dragged themselves toward the acuteness of the cot, toward me.Ian nudged me forward.What should I do? I breathed. The sweat beading on my forehead had cryptograph to do with the humid heat. grandfather lived to be a century and one, Walter wheezed, audible again. zero(prenominal)ody ever had cancer in my family, not raze the cousins. Didnt your aunt Regan induce skin cancer, though?He necessitate a lineed at me trustingly, wait for an answer. Ian poked me in t he back.Um I mumbled.Maybe that was Bills aunt, Walter completelyowed.I shot a panic-struck glance at Ian, who shrugged. Help, I m come onhed at him.He motioned for me to port out Walters search fingers.Walters skin was chalk white and translucent. I could see the faint mea for certain of tear in the blue veins on the back of his hand. I move his hand gingerly, worried except intimately the slender bones that Jamie had said were so brittle. It matte too groundless, as if it were hollow.Ah, Gladdie, its been inviolable without you. Its a nice outrank here youll human raceage it, heretofore when Im gone. Plenty of people to talk to-I sleep together how you need to build your conversation The volume of his translator sank until I couldnt get chain reactor out the words any much, still his lips passive shaped the words he wanted to share with his wife. His backtalk kept moving, eve when his eye unsympathetic and his head lolled to the side.Ian comprise a wet cloth and began wiping Walters shining formula.Im not good at at deception, I whispered, watching Walters mumbling lips to draw sure enough he wasnt perceive to me. I dont want to upset him.You dont have to say anything, Ian reassured me. Hes not lucid enough to care.Do I whole tone identical her?Not a bit-Ive seen her picture. Stocky redhead.Here, let me do that.Ian gave me the rag, and I cleaned the sweat by Walters neck. Busy hands almodal values make me feel more treasureable. Walter continued to mumble. I thought I hear him say, Thanks, Gladdie, thats nice.I didnt notice that doctors snores had s summitped. His familiar articulatio was suddenly there ass me, too gentle to startle.How is he?Delusional, Ian whispered. Is that the brandy or the painfulness? more the pain, I would think. Id trade my right arm for rough morphine.Maybe Jared will make up an separate miracle, Ian suggested.Maybe, doc sighed.I wiped absently at Walters pallid face, listening more inten tly now, only they didnt speak of Jared again.Not here, Melanie whispered.Looking for helper for Walter, I agreed.Alone, she added.I thought about the last time Id seen him-the kiss, the flavour He probably wanted some time to himself.I rely he isnt out there convincing himself that youre a very quick actress-slash-Seeker againThats possible, of course.Melanie groaned silently.Ian and commercialism murmured in silent voices about inconsequential things, by and large Ian catching physician up on what was dismissal on in the caves.What happened to Wandas face? medico whispered, entirely I could still hear him easily.More of the same, Ian said in a tight voice. medico made an sorrowful hitch under his breath and and becausece clicked his tongue.Ian t gray-haired him a bit about towickednesss awkward class, about Geoffreys questions.It would have been convenient if Melanie had been possessed by a Healer, physician mused.I flinched, provided they were layabout me and p robably didnt notice.Were lucky it was Wanda, Ian murmured in my defense. No one else -I go, mendelevium interrupted, good-natured as always. I guess I should say, its too bad Wanda didnt have more of an billet in medicine.Im sorry, I murmured. I was careless to reap the benefits of perfect wellness without ever being curious about the cause.A hand moved(p) my shoulder. You have aught to apologize for, Ian said.Jamie was being very unperturbed. I aimed close to and saw that he was curled up on the cot where commercialism had been napping.Its late, doc noted. Walters not termination anywhere tonight. You should get some sleep.Well be back, Ian promised. allow us know what we can bring, for either of you.I set Walters hand toss off, patting it cautiously. His eyeball snapped open, focusing with more awareness than before.Are you passing? he wheezed. Do you have to go so soon?I took his hand again quickly. No, I dont have to leave.He smiled and closed his look again. His fingers locked well-nigh mine with brittle strength.Ian sighed.You can go, I told him. I dont mind. manoeuvre Jamie back to his bed.Ian glanced around the room. Hold on a sec, he said, and then he grabbed the cot surrounding(prenominal) to him. It wasnt heavy-he lifted it easily and slid it into place a entirelyting to Walters. I stretched my arm to the limit, difficult not to jostle Walter, so that Ian could lay out the cot under it. Then he grabbed me up dependable as easily and set me on the cot beside Walter. Walters eye never fluttered. I gasped quietly, caught off guard by the casual way Ian was able to place his hands on me-as though I were human.Ian jerked his chin toward Walters hand clasped around mine. Do you think you can sleep like that?Yes, Im sure I can.Sleep well, then. He smiled at me, then turned and lifted Jamie from the other cot. Lets go, kid, he muttered, carrying the boy with no more effort than if he were an infant. Ians quiet footsteps faded into the distance until I couldnt hear them anymore. medico yawned and went to sit behind the desk hed constructed out of wooden crates and an aluminum door, taking the speechless lamp with him. Walters face was too dark to see, and that made me nervous. It was like he was already gone. I took comfort in his fingers, still curled stiffly around mine.Doc began to pleat through some papers, humming almost inaudibly to himself. I drifted off to the buy the distantm of the gentle rustling.Walter recognized me in the morning.He didnt wake until Ian showed up to escort me back the cornfield was due to be cleared of the old stalks. I promised Doc I would bring him breakfast before I got to work. The very last thing I did was to carefully loosen my numb fingers, freeing them from Walters grasp.His eyes opened. Wanda, he whispered.Walter? I wasnt sure how long he would know me, or if he would remember last night. His hand clutched at the waste air, so I gave him my left, the one that wasnt dead.You came to see me. That was nice. I know with the others back must be enceinte for you Your faceHe waited to be having a difficult time making his lips form the words, and his eyes went in and out of focus. How like him, that his first words to me would be full of concern.Everythings fine, Walter. How are you feeling?Ah - He groaned quietly. Not so Doc?Right here, Doc murmured, close behind me.Got any more liquor? he gasped.Of course.Doc was already prepared. He held the mouth of a thick glass store to Walters slack lips and carefully poured the dark brown liquid in unbend drips into his mouth. Walter winced as each sip burned down his throat. Some of it trickled out the side of his mouth and onto his pillow. The smell stung my nose.Better? Doc asked after(prenominal) a long moment of slacken pouring.Walter grunted. It didnt sound like assent. His eyes closed.More? Doc asked.Walter grimaced and then moaned.Doc cursed under his breath. Wheres Jared? he muttered.I stiffene d at the name. Melanie stirred and then drifted again.Walters face sagged. His head turn back on his neck.Walter? I whispered.The pains too much for him to stay conscious. Let him be, Doc said.My throat felt swollen. What can I do?Docs voice was desolate. About as much as I can. Which is goose egg. Im useless.Dont be like that, Doc, I perceive Ian murmur. This isnt your fault. The world doesnt work the way it used to. No one expects more of you.My shoulders hunched inward. No, their world didnt work the same way anymore.A finger tapped my arm. Lets go, Ian whispered.I nodded and started to pull my hand free again.Walters eyes robed open, unseeing. Gladdie? Are you here? he implored.Um Im here, I said uncertainly, let his fingers lock around mine.Ian shrugged. Ill get you both some sustenance, he whispered, and then he left.I waited anxiously for him to return, unnerved by Walters misconception. Walter murmured Gladyss name over and over, but he didnt seem to need anything from me, for which I was grateful. After a darn, half an hour maybe, I began listening for Ians footsteps in the tunnel, applauding what could be taking him so long.Doc stood by his desk the whole time, staring into nothing with his shoulders slumped. It was easy to see how useless he felt.And then I did hear something, but it wasnt footsteps.What is that? I asked Doc in a whisper Walter was quiet again, maybe unconscious. I didnt want to disturb him.Doc turned to look at me, cocking his head to the side at the same time to listen.The noise was a funny thrumming, a fast, soft beat. I thought I heard it get just a critical louder, but then it seemed quieter again.Thats weird, Doc said. It almost sounds like He paused, his forehead furrowing in dumbness as the unfamiliar sound faded.We were listening intently, so we heard the footsteps when they were still far away. They did not match the expected, even pace of Ians return. He was running-no, sprinting.Doc reacted immediately to the sou nd of trouble. He jogged quickly out to meet Ian. I wished I could see what was wrong, too, but I didnt want to upset Walter by onerous to free my hand again. I listened hard instead.Brandt? I heard Doc say in awe.Where is it? Where is it? the other man demanded breathlessly. The running footsteps completely paused for a second, then started up again, not quite as fast.What are you talking about? Doc asked, calling back this way.The parasite Brandt hissed impatiently, anxiously, as he burst through the arched entry.Brandt was not a spoilt man like Kyle or Ian he was probably only a a few(prenominal) inches taller than me, but he was thick and solid as a rhinoceros. His eyes swept the room his piercing gaze focused on my face for half a second, then took in Walters oblivious form, and then raced around the room only to end up on me again.Doc caught up with Brandt then, his long fingers gripping Brandts shoulder just as the broader man took the first step in my direction.What are you doing? Doc asked, his voice the closest to a growl Id ever heard it.Before Brandt answered, the odd sound returned, issue from soft to screaming loud to soft again with a suddenness that had us all frozen. The beats thudded right on top of one another, shaking the air when they were at their loudest.Is that-is that a helicopter? Doc asked, whispering.Yes, Brandt whispered back. Its the Seeker-the one from before, the one who was looking at for it. He jerked his chin at me.My throat was suddenly too small-the breaths moving through it were thin and shallow, not enough. I felt dizzy.No. Not now. Please.What is her problem? Mel snarled in my head. Why cant she leave us alone?We cant let her hurt them tho how do we bring out her?I dont know. This is all my faultMine, too, Wanda. Ours.Are you sure? Doc asked.Kyle got a clear view through the binoculars musical composition it was hovering. Same one he saw before.Is it looking here? Docs voice was suddenly horrified. He half spun, eyes radiate toward the exit. Wheres Sharon?Brandt agitate his head. Its just running sweeps. Starts at Picacho, then fans out in spokes. Doesnt look like its focusing on anything close. Circled around a few times where we dumped the car.Sharon? Doc asked again.Shes with the kids and Lucina. Theyre fine. The boys are getting things packed in case we have to roll tonight, but Jeb says its not likely.Doc exhaled, then paced over to his desk. He slouched against it, looking as if hed just run a long race. So its nothing new, in truth, he murmured.Naw. Just have to lay low for a few days, Brandt reassured him. His eyes were flickering around the room again, settling on me every other second. Do you have any rope apt? he asked. He pulled up the coast of the sheet on an empty cot, examining it.Rope? Doc echoed blankly.For the parasite. Kyle sent me out here to secure it.My muscles contract involuntarily my hand gripped Walters fingers too tightly, and he whimpered. I tried to depos it it to relax while I kept my eyes on Brandts hard face. He was waiting for Doc, expectant.Youre here to secure Wanda? Doc said, his voice hard again. And what makes you think thats necessary?Come on, Doc. Dont be stupid. Youve got some big vents in here, and a lot of reflective metal. Brandt gestured to a file cabinet against the far wall. You let your attention wander for half a minute, and itll be flashing signals to that Seeker.I sucked in a shocked breath it was loud in the still room.See? Brandt said. Guessed its plan in one.I wanted to forget myself under a boulder to hide from the bulging, relentless eyes of my Seeker, to that extent he imagined I wanted to guide her in. Bring her here to eradicate Jamie, Jared, Jeb, Ian I felt like gagging.You can go, Brandt, Doc said in an icy tone. I will keep an eye on Wanda.Brandt raise one eyebrow. What happened to you guys? To you and Ian and Trudy and the rest? Its like youre all hypnotized. If your eyes werent right, Id have to wonderGo ahead and wonder all you want, Brandt. But get out while youre doing it.Brandt shook his head. Ive got a job to do.Doc walked toward Brandt, stopping when he was between Brandt and me. He folded his weapons system across his chest.Youre not going to touch her.The throbbing helicopter blades sounded in the distance. We were all very still, not breathing, until they faded.Brandt shook his head when it was quiet again. He didnt speak he just went to the desk and picked up Docs chair. He carried it to the wall by the file cabinet, slammed it to the ground, and then sat down hard, making the metal legs squeal against the stone. He leaned forward, his hands on his knees, and stared at me. A vulture waiting for a dying hare to stop moving.Docs jaw tightened, making a little popping noise.Gladys, Walter muttered, surfacing from his blurry sleep. Youre here.Too nervous to speak with Brandt watching, I just patted his hand. His clouded eyes searched my face, seeing features that w erent there.It hurts, Gladdie. It hurts a lot.I know, I whispered. Doc?He was already there, the brandy in hand. Open up, Walter.The sound of the helicopter thumped quietly, far away but still much too close. Doc flinched, and a few drops of brandy splattered on my arm.It was a horrible day. The worst of my life on this planet, even including my first day in the caves and the last hot, dry day in the desert, hours from death.The helicopter circled and circled. Sometimes more than an hour would pass, and I would think it was in the long run over. Then the sound would come back, and I would see the Seekers obstinate face in my head, her protruding eyes scouring the blank desert for some sign of humans. I tried to will her away, concentrating hard on my memories of the deserts featureless, pallid plain, as if I could somehow make sure she saw nothing else, as if I could bore her into leaving.Brandt never took his suspicious stare off of me. I could always feel it, though I rarely lo oked at him. It got a little better when Ian came back with both breakfast and lunch. He was all dirty from packing in case of an evacuation-whatever that meant. Did they have anywhere to go? Ian scowled so hard he looked like Kyle when Brandt explained in nip off phrases why he was there. Then Ian dragged another empty cot beside mine, so that he could sit in Brandts line of sight and block his view.The helicopter, Brandts suspicious watch, these were not very so bad. On an ordinary day-if there was really such a thing anymore-either one of these might have seemed agonizing. Today, they were nothing.By noon, Doc had given Walter the last of the brandy. It seemed like only minutes ulterior that Walter was sinuous, moaning, and gasping for breath. His fingers bruised and chafed mine, but if I ever pulled away, his moans turned to shrill screams. I ducked out once to use the latrine Brandt followed me, which made Ian feel like he had to come, too. By the time we got back-after ne arly running the whole way-Walters screams no protracted sounded human. Docs face was hollow with echoed agony. Walter quieted after I spoke to him for a moment, let him think his wife was near. It was an easy lie, a kind one. Brandt made little noises of irritation, but I knew that he was wrong to be upset. Nothing mattered beside Walters pain.The whimpers and the writhing continued, though, and Brandt paced back and forth at the other end of the room, trying to be as far from the sound as possible.Jamie came looking for me, bringing food enough for four, when the light was growing orangey overhead. I wouldnt let him stay I made Ian take him back to the kitchen to eat, made Ian promise to watch him all night so he wouldnt sneak back here. Walter couldnt help screeching when his twisting moved his broken leg, and the sound of it was nearly unbearable. Jamie shouldnt have this night burned into his memory the way it would surely be burned into Docs and mine. possibly Brandts as we ll, though he did what he could to ignore Walter, plugging his ears and humming a dissonant tune.Doc did not try to distance himself from Walters hideous pitiable instead, he suffered with him. Walters cries carved deep lines in Docs face, like claws raking his skin.It was strange to see such depths of compassion in a human, particularly Doc. I couldnt look at him the same way after watching him live Walters pain. So great was his compassion, he seemed to bleed internally with it. As I watched, it became insufferable to believe that Doc was a cruel person the man apparently could not be a torturer. I tried to remember what had been said to found my conjectures-had anyone made the accusation outright? I didnt think so. I must have jumped to false conclusions in my terror.I doubted I could ever mistrust Doc again after this nightmarish day. However, I would always find his hospital a horrible place.When the last of the daylight disappeared, so did the helicopter. We sat in the dark ness, not daring to turn on even the dim blue light. It took a few hours before any of us would believe the hunt was over. Brandt was the first to accept it hed had enough of the hospital, too.Makes sense for it to give up, he muttered, edging out the exit. Nothing to see at night. Ill just take your light with me, Doc, so that Jebs pet parasite cant get up to anything, and be on my way.Doc didnt respond, didnt even look at the gravid man as he left.Make it stop, Gladdie, make it stop Walter begged me. I wiped the sweat from his face while he crushed my hand.Time seemed to slow down and stop the black night felt unending. Walters screams got more and more frequent, more and more excruciating.Melanie was far away, knowing she could do nothing useful. I would have hidden, too, if Walter hadnt needed me. I was all alone in my head-exactly what I had once wanted. It made me feel lost.Eventually, a dim gray light started to creep in through the high vents overhead. I was hovering on the edge of sleep, Walters moans and screams keeping me from sinking under. I could hear Doc snoring behind me. I was glad that hed been able to escape for a little while.I didnt hear Jared come in. I was mumbling weak assurances, barely coherent, trying to calm Walter.Im here, Im here, I murmured as he cried out his wifes name. Shh, its okay. The words were meaningless. It was something to say, though, and it did seem that my voice calmed the worst of his cries.I dont know how long Jared watched me with Walter before I realized he was there. It must have been a while. I was sure his first reaction would be anger, but when I heard him speak, his voice was cool.Doc, he said, and I heard the cot behind me shake. Doc, wake up.I jerked my hand free, whirling, disoriented, to see the face that went with the unmistakable voice.His eyes were on me as he shook the dormancy mans shoulder. They were impossible to read in the dim light. His face had no expression at all.Melanie jolted into awaren ess. She pored over his features, trying to read the thoughts behind the mask.Gladdie Dont leave Dont Walters screech had Doc bolting upright, nearly tip over his cot.I spun back to Walter, shoving my sore hand into his searching fingers.Shhh, shhh Walter, Im here. I wont leave. I wont, I promise.He quieted down, whimpering like a small child. I wiped the repress cloth over his forehead his sob hitched and turned into a sigh.Whats that about? Jared murmured behind me.Shes the best painkiller Ive been able to find, Doc said wearily.Well, Ive found you something better than a tame Seeker.My stomach knotted, and Melanie hissed in my head. So stupidly, blindly stubborn she growled. He wouldnt believe you if you told him the sun sets in the west.But Doc was beyond caring about the slight to me. You found somethingMorphine-theres not much. I would have gotten here sooner if the Seeker hadnt pinned me down out there.Doc was instantly in action. I heard him rustling through something pape ry, and he crowed in delight. Jared, youre the miracle manDoc, just a secBut Doc was at my side already, his haggard face alight with anticipation. His hands were fussy with a small syringe. He stuck the tiny needle into the crease at Walters elbow, on the arm that was attached to me. I turned my face away. It seemed so horribly invasive to stab something through his skin.I couldnt argue with the results, though. inwardly half a minute, Walters entire body relaxed, melting into a tidy sum of loose flesh against the thin mattress. His breathing went from harsh and urgent to whispery and even. His hand relaxed, freeing mine.I massaged my left hand with my right, trying to bring the blood back to my fingertips. Little prickles followed the flow of blood under my skin.Uh, Doc, there really isnt enough for that, Jared murmured.I looked up from Walters face, peaceful at last. Jared had his back to me, but I could see the surprise in Docs expression.Enough for what? Im not going to save this for a rainy day, Jared. Im sure well wish we had it again, and too soon, but Im not going to let Walter scream in agony while I have a way to help himThats not what I meant, Jared said. He spoke the way he did when hed already thought about something long and hard. Slow and even, like Walters breath.Doc frowned, confused.Theres enough to stop the pain for maybe three or four days, thats all, Jared said. If you give it to him in doses.I didnt understand what Jared was saying, but Doc did.Ah, he sighed. He turned to look at Walter again, and I saw a rim of fresh tear start to pool above his lower lids. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.I wanted to know what they were talking about, but Jareds presence made me silent, brought back the reserve I rarely felt the need for anymore.You cant save him. You can only save him pain, Doc.I know, Doc said. His voice broke, like he was holding back a sob. Youre right.Whats going on? I asked. As long as Melanie was going to be around, I might as well make use of her.Theyre going to kill Walter, she told me matter-of-factly. Theres enough morphine to give him an overdose.My gasp sounded loud in the quiet room, but it was really just a breath. I didnt look up to see how the two healthy men would react. My own bust pooled as I leaned over Walters pillow.No, I thought, no. Not yet. No.Youd rather he died screaming?I just I cant stand the finality. Its so absolute. Ill never see my friend again.How many of your other friends have you gone back to visit, Wanderer?Ive never had friends like this before.My friends on other planets were all blurred together in my head the souls were so similar, almost interchangeable in some ways. Walter was distinctly himself. When he was gone, there would be no one who could fill his place.I cradled Walters head in my arms and let my tears fall onto his skin. I tried to stifle my crying, but it made its way out regardless, a keening rather than sobs.I know. other first, Melan ie whispered, and there was compassion in her tone. Compassion for me-that was a first, too.Wanda? Doc asked.I just shook my head, not able to answer.I think youve been here too long, he said. I felt his hand, light and warm, on my shoulder. You should take a break.I shook my head again, still keening softly.Youre worn out, he said. Go clean up, stretch your legs. Eat something.I glared up at him. Will Walter be here when I get back? I mumbled through my tears.His eyes tightened anxiously. Do you want that?Id like a play to say goodbye. Hes my friend.He patted my arm. I know, Wanda, I know. Me, too. Im in no hurry. You get some air and then come back. Walter will be sleeping for a while.I read his worn face, and I believed the sincerity there.I nodded and carefully put Walters head back on the pillow. Maybe if I got away from this place for a little bit, Id find a way to handle this. I wasnt sure how-I had no experience with real goodbyes.Because I was in love with him, no matter t hat it was unwilling, I had to look at Jared before I left. Mel wanted this, too, but wished that she could somehow exclude me from the process.He was staring at me. I had a feeling his eyes had been on me for a long time. His face was carefully composed, but there was surprise and suspicion in there again. It made me tired. What would be the point of playacting out a charade now, even if I were that talented a liar? Walter would never stand up for me again. I couldnt sucker him anymore.I met Jareds gaze for one long second, then turned to hurry down the pitch-black corridor that was brighter than his expression.